It is what it is and everything else. 

Welp, allow me to blow the dust off my keyboard and settle back into my seat. It has been a minute! 

And with every passing minute I have felt overwhelming guilt because, summer! And parenthood! And adulthood! And!

The Maycember burn out was  real and  bled over to June. I kept thinking that once June  was over, life was going to seem SO much more calm and easy. But here we are in nearly late July and my brain still feels half melted. My tried and true summer sanity tools are being employed and helping a bit but self-employment during summer is just a wild ride and, while I’m thankful to be able to be home with my kids for their break, I’m ready for routine again. And then the guilt sets in for all the things. Huzzah!

I know I’m not the only one who feels the summer pressure, like I should be living it up every single minute and creating these priceless memories with my kids but also working and writing here  and being the boss that I am and getting a million media placements while doing such amazing work that my clients hoist me up on their shoulders to congratulate me. In theory summer should feel lighter and like there’s endless possibility but we also have to adult.

Parenthood during the summer can feel like you are doing all the things and doing none of them well. Among deadlines and summer playdate coordination and chores and errands, the mental load of “are we making enough memories? Am I doing enough things?” settles in quickly. And there’s something so different about summer guilt, like everyone is on a vacation except you or the pressure of only having 18 summers with your kids or social media breathing down your neck to make every single day special! And fun! And educational! 

I know mom guilt serves no real purpose but during summer I’m acutely aware of the nagging feeling I get that I should be working if I’m playing Yahtzee with my kids at 10am on a Tuesday or the self conscious guilt that creeps up when I’m answering emails at the pool instead of swimming with the boys. I feel guilt when I go another week without a post here or move something on my household to-do list to the next day again. 

Recently I’ve started accepting the guilty feelings in the moment. I’m guilty of  thinking it’s unfair! It’s too much! It’s overwhelming! It’s FINE! I can rationalize guilt or argue it with logic but ultimately it is just part of the emotional mess of being alive so I’ve started saying aloud, “It just is.”

Not every feeling is going to be sparkling and positive. I’m not going to feel like the best mom or PR girl or PR Edit writer or friend or whatever every day. It is a lot of things to be alive and, you know what, it just is. I’m accepting that there are going to be conflicting calendar appointments, dirty baseboards, late night work sessions to catch up on things. There is noise and mess and busy days and it is ok. It just is. 

Recently I took my kids to a movie at our local community pool. I had planned to spend the evening catching up on admin things for work and writing a few PR Edit posts that have been sitting on my to-do list since early June. I sat in the pool chair feeling guilty at first – I need to work and write and do laundry and fill out that school form and make a dentist appointment. Then I looked around and realized it is ok to decide to be where the memories are. It just is. It is ok to answer the email at the pool and move the task to the next day (I love giving Tomorrow Sarah things to do!). It. Just. Is.

The to-do list is always long. It just is. But the fun is ours to be had and sometimes you have to ignore the “need to” things to do the “want to” things. You just do. It’s ok to enjoy summer but also look forward to the routine that the school year brings. It just is.

 For every day that feels insane and “too much” there are two days that feel perfect and the stuff I always wanted for my kids in summer. I get up at 4am to work sometimes and then I can roast s’mores with my kids at 8pm. There’s mess and laughter and stress and joy. It sounds cheesy to say but it’s not perfect. It’s not always balanced. It just is.

And maybe that’s okay. There’s a relief in accepting that every season and stage of life is going to have its challenges and pockets of joy. Sometimes it’s ok to lower the standard we are holding ourselves to and realize that just by showing up we are creating memories with our kids and if we are doing our best, well then we are doing just fine. 

So if you are feeling the guilt or burnout of the hustle and bustle of summertime, I see you. And you’re doing great. It is a moment of mess and joy. 

It just is.