Less & More: The WFH Mom Edit

Am I a “Habits Person?”

When Atomic Habits by James Clear first became “all the rage,” I honestly didn’t pay a ton of attention. For some reason, the concept of “habits” just didn’t resonate with me, even though I am a junkie for the genre of “self improvement” book/podcast/blog. I guess I felt like habits seemed too … small? Not life-changing enough? But somehow recently, I felt called to read not only his book, but also another book extolling the virtues of habits – Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin. Consuming these two back to back left me filled with reflections on habits and how this all fits into my own life and goals. It turns out that most of the activities and values I have in my life are held in place and amplified by the power of small, consistent habits. For instance, someone asked me recently how our family eats “well” so much of the time and I was a little baffled when I tried to answer, because … IDK? But tracing it all back to its roots? Habits. For me personally, they formed over years and years of tweaking and refining to see what worked, what resonated, what I had time for. I didn’t realize it, but now I’m starting to see how relevant habits are for me and probably just about everyone. These books pulled it into focus for me AND gave me some great, actionable tips about how to further hone my current habits, quit bad habits AND think about new ones I might need to start.

How long will it take?

Great question. I always like to know exactly what I’m in for. While I honestly cannot cite specific examples from my own life where I’m certain about the timeframe, research shows it takes anywhere from 21 to 66 days to form a habit, with the exact duration depending on the complexity of the habit and the individual. This European Journal of Social Psychology study found that it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit. This actually seems longer than I would have expected, but if you think about it, it makes sense that it would take a bit to establish a habit, particularly one that you hope will last a lifetime.

Key Takeaways from Atomic Habits by James Clear

In case you haven’t read the book, here are some core principals that I pulled from the text.

• Clear highlights – There are Four Main Laws of Behavior Change:
  • Make habits obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying:
    • In other words, make it easy on yourself! Put it in plain sight and don’t overcomplicate things or throw up obstacles.
    • Quote: “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” — James Clear
    • Focus on the systems and processes that lead to success rather than fixating on the end goal itself.
• Habit Stacking:
  • Link a new habit to an existing one to make it easier to adopt as they will become connected in your mind.
  • Example: “Right before I brush my teeth, I will floss.”
• Environment Design:
  • The way your environment is arranged will significantly impact your behavior.
  • Make the cues for good habits more visible and cues for bad habits less so.
  • Quote: “Environment is the invisible hand that shapes human behavior.” — James Clear
  • Surround yourself with reminders and create an environment that supports the habits you want to build.
• Compound Growth:
  • Even though they may seem small, little improvements over time can lead to remarkable results.
  • The 1% Rule: By improving just 1% each day, you can achieve substantial progress in the long term.
  • This is why I dismissed habits from the get go, I think. Not enough visible momentum right upfront – but if you track back over longer periods of time, the changes are more obvious and substantial.

Key Takeaways from Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

• Self-Knowledge:
  • Rubin identifies four personality-driven “tendencies” (Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, Rebel) that she uses to determine how people will respond to expectations (both internal and external).
  • In her framework, understanding your tendency is essential for creating habits that work with your personality. (Another version of: don’t make it too tough on yourself!)
  • Quote: “What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while.” — Gretchen Rubin
  • Build habits that are sustainable and reflect your true nature and tendencies for longer lasting success.
• The Strategy of Convenience:
  • Make good habits easier and bad habits harder. (Seeing some crossover with Clear!)
  • Example: Prepping your workout clothes the night before or placing your gym shoes in a visible spot will make exercise more convenient.
• Start Small and Build Momentum:
  • Start with small, manageable changes and focus on consistency, not perfection.
  • Celebrate small wins and build on them to gain confidence and motivation.
  • Quote: “The days are long, but the years are short.” — Gretchen Rubin
  • Small habits accumulate and lead to big changes over time.
• Treating Habits as a Reward:
  • Frame your new habits as something enjoyable and intrinsically satisfying. Celebrating small wins (like journaling, hitting your daily step count, or completing a workout) creates a positive reinforcement loop.

For Me: Good Habits vs. Bad Habits

All of this reading and research led me to start cataloging my own good and bad habits. I find it helpful to have concrete examples to work from, so I’ll share them in the hopes that it helps anyone out there.

Good Habits I’ve Formed:

• Walking 10k steps per day: This was a 2025 New Year’s Resolution of mine and so far, I’ve done it EVERY DAY this year. Today is in fact, day 113 (meaning I’m past the window of habit formation – hooray!). On any one given day, this might seem like an arbitrary number or I might feel too tired to cross the finish line, but after almost five months of consistency, I’ve noticed better sleep, mental benefits and even a slight improvement in my VO2 Max number. I’ll never not think walking is a great staple habit for anyone’s life. SO. MANY. BENEFITS.
• Drinking water: Though I’m nowhere near the mastery level of Sarah on this one, I do manage almost every day to down three Stanley cups of water (mine is 40oz). This habit is one I stay on top of more to avoid negative side effects like poor sleep, headaches or fatigue in the afternoon. It’s not my favorite thing to do (I’d much prefer to drink coffee all day!), but I’ve suffered the consequences one too many times, so I stay on top of this one.
• Fiber Intake: This is a relatively recent behavior, but I’ve had it going strong for a couple of months, so I feel confident in calling it a habit now. I track my daily fiber and shoot for 30g per day, minimum. I could write an entire post just on the benefits fiber has brought to my life (Hello, WAY better sleep!), but we’ll save that for another time. I will also briefly mention that tracking my fiber (and protein) over the past couple of months has led me to shed 10 pounds, a good habit with great results that was really only something I needed to do because of a BAD habit I got into previously (most on that below).

Good Habits I’m TRYING to Form:

• Becoming a gardener: I’ve planted raised beds, containers, hanging baskets and succulents galore EVERY spring for the past six years and ultimately, I kill almost everything. The habit of daily watering (a REAL necessity by July here in the South when the plants are getting singed), just gets to be too much for me to keep up with so I sort of just ignore them altogether and hope for more rain. I’m hoping to turn that around this year – I downloaded an app (Plant!) that reminds me when and how much to water, so we’ll see if this one sticks. I’ve been doing very well with it so far, and we’re seeing some great traction so far! I followed Rubin’s advice of making it easier on myself AND I’ve been trying to habit stack – I always water my plants after I walk the dog – I’m already outside!
• Yoga and VO2Max training: These are two elements of a fitness program that I have always had a hard time fitting in with my other routines. When I DO make time for them, I reap the benefits (mobility, flexibility, better lung capacity!), so it’s something I know will bring great rewards, but up until now, I think I’ve failed because I haven’t made it easy for myself – I’ve tried to cram it in alongside other things. I need to apply habit stacking (on days when my workout is a walk, I will leave 15 minutes of time for yoga). I will also use visual cues (on Saturday, I will set my cycling clothes out on my Peloton as a visual reminder to do VO2 Max training that day).
• Gratitude journaling: This is a habit that can do no wrong. Everyone from Andrew Huberman to Mel Robbins talks about how this lowers stress levels and teaches our brains to see the best in any given situation at a first glance. I would love to get my kids into this practice as well. We need to get our gratitude journals and place them centrally in the living room so that every evening before bedtime, we see them and remember to partake in this practice.
• Flossing: I am a stickler about brushing, but for some reason, I am hit or miss with flossing. It always seems so cumbersome and time consuming. But I recently read a book that talked about how it’s not just for your gums, but rather your whole microbiome. I’m convinced. I need to floss more. I just need to think of it as PART of my evening routine until it becomes as second nature as brushing my teeth is. A work in progress.

Bad Habits I Want to Break:

• Overreacting: This is one that really matters to me most when my kids are around because when I am in a season of getting extra frustrated over small situations, I notice them begin to emulate my behavior and rely on an overreaction v. problem solving. It’s an easy one to become a habit, but I think we can use Clear’s environmental cue tip here. First, we identify the situations that might trigger an overreaction (ie: trying to work in the same room while the kids are having an argument) and then figure out how to fix it (ie: I will only work in my office and if I am attempting to engage in “deep work” I will ask my children to be in another room).
• Multi-tasking: A bit of an extension from the above, but I often try to double dip with my time by doing more than one thing at once. It usually ends up with a lower quailty product for both tasks, so I’m trying to create environments where I’m only focused on one thing at a time. My office is for working, my living room is for playing games with my kids.
• Spending Habits: I need to take the rules from my no-spend months and apply them to my life a little more regularly. For example, if I stumble across an item I might want to purchase, my default should not be “buy now,” but rather “add to cart” or “bookmark.” This way I can be more mindful and less impulsive.

Parenting Habits: Setting the Example

It seems that a huge part of parenting is trying to instill good habits in your children so that you can set a foundation that sticks with them as they get older. This is tough, because as hard as habit formation is for adults, it seems to take even longer to stick for kids for most things! Also, in the chaos of school, socialization, activities, travel, work, life … you have to be choosy about which ones you’re going to be a stickler on. Here are the ones I’ve been most adamant about with my kids so far.

• Walking: This one should come as no surprise, since I did an entire blog post about how to instill the habits of walking (and hiking!) in your kids from an early age. Doubling down on that here!
• Bedtime: Because I am a person who highly values her sleep, I did everything I could from the second my kids were born to establish a bedtime routine for them. We have clearly defined expectations for lights out and stick to it every night that we can. Both kids have their own wind down routine as well, so they are little habit stackers in training.
• Chores: Again, based on my previous blog post on our family chores, this will come as a shock to no one. One thing we’ve done recently to make these habits even easier for ourselves is to have a clearly defined “chore time” in which the expectation is that everyone in the family will be working on his or her own chores. That way, there are fewer distractions and everyone is motivated to work swiftly to be done by the end of chore time.

As the kids get older, we focus on newer, more mature habits that are appropriate for their individual ages and circumstances. Here are a couple examples of those and some plans we have in place based on the books I read:

Ella (almost 5th grade):

Time Management: As her homework/test/project schedule for school gets more intense and she has more complicated social relationships, it’s a little tougher for her to make sure she gets it all done without multitasking or stressing out. We are trying to work with her to put systems and habits in place that will organize her time and prioritize schoolwork, extracurriculars, and friendships. This is a tough one for her, as she tends to procrastinate and flit from activity to activity. Here are a few tips I picked up for this from my reading:

• Environment Design: Set up a visual task list or planner that breaks down her day or after-school time into clear and prioritized blocks: Homework → Activities → Free time. Use a simple checklist she can physically cross off (or even a whiteboard in her room) can make the habit more visible and satisfying for her to complete.
• Habit stacking: Pair schoolwork with an existing habit.
• Example: “After I eat my after-school snack, I immediately spend 30 minutes working on homework.”
  This removes the decision-making and puts the hard work first.
• Break big tasks into tiny wins: If she feels overwhelmed, she’ll procrastinate. Clear suggests making the first step incredibly easy.
• Example: Instead of “Write book report,” first task = “Open Google Docs and type the title.”

Linus (almost 2nd grade):

Habits of Increased Responsibility: First grade was the first time Linus had to deal with daily homework and we also decided he should begin making his own lunch, so he had a couple of habits every day that he had to get used to prioritizing when he was used to being able to come home from school and just run out to play immediately. Here are some tips we’ve been trying from the books that have been helping.

• Habit Stacking: This one has worked quite well because Linus is a very logical person and a creature of routine, so once he associates an action with another, he takes to it pretty quickly. We decided his through process would be:
  • “After I take off my backpack, I get out my homework.”
  • “After I finish my homework, I make my lunch for tomorrow.”
  • This turned homework and lunch prep into “just what happens next” — no decisions, no fuss.
• Make the habit satisfying: Clear emphasizes rewarding the behavior immediately, even in a small way. We emphasized that after homework and lunch prep, he had free time until dinner to run out and play without nagging. This shift was also part of the “chore time” designation – we know that chores will happen during a certain time, so if he finishes before then – the rest of the time is his. This also fits in with the “strategy of scheduling” as emphasized by Rubin.

Benefits of Habits

Even though I was apparently reticent upfront about the concept of habits, I’ve become a full fledged convert. There are so many benefits I’ve found when I analyze the habits I lean on most, but one of the best is that it actually reduces my stress. When things are nutty and I need to reset my routine to reduce chaos, habits like meditation, walking and sleep schedules keep things running like clockwork.

Generally, even when things AREN’T chaotic, having a habit in place is a great way to eliminate decision fatigue because it means I’m doing it almost without even thinking. That’s why when my friend asked me about our healthy eating “habits,” I almost couldn’t determine the origin. It’s been a core component for our family for so long that we don’t even really give ourselves the opportunity to decide otherwise, which is kind of the point of putting a good habit in place.

The other neat thing about habits is that they tend to feed on themselves over time. Once you realize that you successfully implemented one habit, you can move on to another attempted habit with greater confidence and a sense of accomplishment (ie, from our reading, start small and build from there). It’s helpful to look back occasionally and see how your habits are holding up and serving you. Are there any that need to be tweaked based on new demands of your life and schedule? If your schedule feels tough consistently, what habits could ease the tension? While I may not have thought of myself as a ‘habits person’ before, it’s clear now that habits are the scaffolding that holds up so much of the life I love.

What habit will you start building today that will create lasting change over time?